Coupons Spat Out By The CVS Computer In One Shopping Trip That I May Or May Not Ever Use

"Save $5 off any purchase of $15 or more"
For my next after-clubbing junk food binge of Pringles, Snickers Ice Cream Bars and 99-cent cans of Arizona Iced Tea With Lots Of High Fructose Corn Syrup?

"Save $3 off any eye care purchase of $12 or more"
Maybe I'll stock up on Triple Action Relief Redness Reliever eye drops

"Save $3 off any back to school and office supply purchase of $10 or more"
I will not be going back to school anytime soon, or have any offspring going there, and at this point if I get any garden variety office supplies they'll come from a dollar store (going straight to Staples if I actually need something high-end)

"Save $2 off any eye drops"
Maybe I'll stock up on triple the Triple Action Relief eye drops

"Buy one Aquafina 20 oz, get one free"
Probably thanks to my recent affinity for Vitaminwater Zero. Then I read food-snob allegations that it was glorified, overpriced, and not-nearly-as-healthy-as-advertised Kool-Aid. I'm probably still going to pound it copiously

"Save $1 off any oral care purchase of $5 or more"
Probably because it thinks I haven't bought toothpaste or mouthwash recently

"Save $3 off any pain reliever or sleep aid purchase of $15 or more"
Probably because I haven't bought a huge vat of ibuprofen recently, as I'm still working on two large economy size bottles that will probably expire before they're finished

"Save $2 off any nasal spray, nasal strips or saline of $5 or more"
What are nasal strips? Do you snort them like cocaine?

"Save $2 off any 2 (two) 5-Hour or SK Energy Shots (2 Pack)"
It's two, two, two coupons in one, but not really

"Save $2 off any tampons, pads or liners purchase of $8 or more"
Because of that ONE TIME I let someone of the female gender use my card. Let? Probably encouraged

"Save $3 off any foundation, blush or face powder"
Girls again. I won't be on camera and have any memory of how to apply any of this properly again before it expires on August 17

"Save $1 off CVS Chewy Antacids; Chewy Not Chalky!"
There was a big display of these next to the coupon center. Also, because I'm Mr. Antacid (in addition to being Mr. Ibuprofen) and probably have undiagnosed acid reflux disease

"Save $2 off Nature's Bounty, Disney, Osteo Bi-Flex, Sundown or Ester-C"
I suppose there was that one time I bought vitamins thinking I'd take them every day, but they languished in my bag

"Save $0.30 off 7UP, A&W, Canada Dry or Sunkist 2 liter bottles"
Does this mean as many two-liter bottles I can carry? Or off of just one bottle? Stupid plural tricks

The REAL Reason I'm Not Blogging As Much As I Should

Okay, I have a good idea. Here goes.

Tum-te-tum-te-taaaaa...

Oh, wait. Do I really want to say that where co-workers, bosses, parents and so forth are going to see it? Let me change that.

Hmm. I need more insight on this before I make this sweeping statement. Search-search-search...

Hmm. This is more links than I should really include in a blog post.

Ugh, I've barely begun. What's the point?

...

Basically, it all boils down to: I'm afraid people won't read it. And I'm afraid people will read it.