Bill Wasn't Watching

My friend Patrick Garvin from The Boston Globe just had published a list of "TV love triangles audiences love to love." And I realized, I watched so few of these shows when they were first on, it was a little startling. I mean, NONE of these was Ally McBeal.

Beverly Hills, 90210, 1990-2000
Melrose Place, 1992-1999

About fifth grade to junior year of college. Both probably started as a little young for me, and I suppose I wasn't interested in glamorous teens and adults getting vindictive and catty, and worrying about who's going out with whom.

My So-Called Life, 1994-1995

How short! High school, and much more relatable. I don't think I saw all of the series, though. I remember Rayanne Graff singing "I Want To Be Sedated" with some band.

For This I Blame My Landlord

My bathroom is absurdly small. For this I blame my landlord. More than once I have found myself rising immediately from the toilet and washing my hands, though my pants are still around my ankles. What compounds this weirdness is that I have bright watermelon-Jolly Rancher-red hand soap. Whenever I squirt a dose I feel like I'm practicing animal husbandry at the North Pole, and the sticky redness in my hand means that I just gave Rudolph a really happy fun time. I mean, Dasher is an asshole. He's a terrible tipper.

Church

Rich drained his first mimosa and plunked the glass heavily onto the table. "That was not nearly as satisfying as it should have been."

Kirk coughed harshly. Neither of them had had a good night's sleep. "Not when you drain it like that. Why are we here again at nine o'clock in the morning on a Sunday?"

They were the only other people in the Greek restaurant known as Apollos, which had a good Sunday brunch despite the occasional Board of Health citation that nobody paid attention to.

"Because they have a good Sunday brunch despite the occasional health violation that nobody pays attention to," said Rich.

"You must have been hungry to be waited on, then. You got me in such a hurry my underwear and one sock are probably still on the floor of your bedroom." Kirk smiled with mischievousness.

"I was awake. I'll go back to sleep at like, one."

"We're not staying that long."

"No, but we'll go back to my place afterwards."

"Oh, we will, will we?!" Kirk's smile grew, though it had a tinge of grimace.