Bill Wasn't Watching

My friend Patrick Garvin from The Boston Globe just had published a list of "TV love triangles audiences love to love." And I realized, I watched so few of these shows when they were first on, it was a little startling. I mean, NONE of these was Ally McBeal.

Beverly Hills, 90210, 1990-2000
Melrose Place, 1992-1999

About fifth grade to junior year of college. Both probably started as a little young for me, and I suppose I wasn't interested in glamorous teens and adults getting vindictive and catty, and worrying about who's going out with whom.

My So-Called Life, 1994-1995

How short! High school, and much more relatable. I don't think I saw all of the series, though. I remember Rayanne Graff singing "I Want To Be Sedated" with some band.


Friends, 1994-2004

On for ten years. Goodness. Also high school. Comedies were more accessible to me. More innocuous. Friends was probably also on earlier than the 9 p.m. hours of 90210 or Melrose. I also probably liked the idea better of trying-to-make-it-living-in-New-York rather than being privileged-in-sunny-California.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 1997-2003

I should have watched it but didn't. I probably haven't seen the movie to this day. Is that bad? What did teenage boys watch in the late 90s, whether or not they were "sensitive"? I mean, I know I've been watching As Time Goes By and Are You Being Served? since forever.

Dawson's Creek, 1998-2003

Started after I was in college, apparently. Therefore I was definitely past high school agita. No, I remember Ally McBeal in college.

Sex and the City, 1998-2004

This was the beginning of, if you didn't have the premium channel, you couldn't see it. Would I have watched it if it was piped in free at my convenience? Who knows? When it showed up sanitized in syndication, I remember watching it at various points when I could, but never with any regularity. All the topics would have appealed to me: strong women, sex, hot men who had their issues but not too crazy issues, New York, columnists.

Felicity, 1998-2002

Now that I think about it, I didn't watch anything that was on UPN, the WB, or the CW, a laziness that continues to this day. The only reason I stopped watching The Good Wife was because it got moved against "Animation Domination" on Fox; several shows in a block, or one drama I loved? The drama I loved lost. I suppose I've always had enough problems of my own, I didn't need to "aww!" over demi-teenage girls' series who didn't appear to bring thoughtful drama writing to the table.

Gilmore Girls, 2000-2007

Can I blame Lauren Graham for not watching this one? No?

Smallville, 2001-2011

I was never tremendously hot on super heroes or the more fantasy comic books -- Archie was basically all I read -- and reboots/retoolings/re-dos with hot, sexy, refined-sugar ingredients didn't haul me in the door.

The O.C., 2003-2007

By this time I was getting into my career and this was probably on while I was sleeping before going in to work third shift. Again with the sexy Californians.

Veronica Mars, 2004-2007

I don't even remember what made this one distinctive. ... Oh, Christ. A high school detective?! I had enough of this sort of thing in pre-teen novels.

Lost, 2004-2010

My parents watched this. I remember watching like, a repeat of the premiere when I was home at some point, and getting creeped the hell out by how graphic the plane crash was. After the crash, didn't the jet engine keep cutting in and out and suck some guy into it and turn him into a bloody pulp? (If you're pissed I just spoiled the moment for you, get stuffed.) Wasn't the plotline only slightly less vague than Twin Peaks? With some sort of smoke monster? C'mon. They (writers/producers/creators) had no idea where it was going to go.

Battlestar Galactica, 2004-2009

]I think I got enough of science fiction with watching almost every Star Trek: The Next Generation, much of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and -- what else was there? Time Trax, that was a kick. So, wherever this one was, having gorgeous people sexing each other in spaceships that don't exist was probably not appealing.

The Office, 2005-2013

Okay, apparently I'm just a television snob. No wonder I never ventured out to Los Angeles. I was all about the original UK The Office. Fine. Like everything else made American from a British origin, it had a different flavor to me, so no thanks. Oddly enough, when I was reading Patrick's article and this one came up, I said, who the hell was Roy? Usually I have had enough exposure of other people around me talking about these huge shows to get an idea of names of characters -- Pacey, Dawson, Kate, Jack, Logan, Rory, Lorelai, Ben, Mr. Big, Joey, Spike and Angel, Sydney, Allison, Amanda, Billy -- but Roy, to me, was only Roy Biggins on Wings.

Grey's Anatomy, 2005-present

Yup. I have no patience for anything mainstream, apparently. All I know from this show -- isn't it Ally McBeal in a hospital without music? -- is McDreamy and McSteamy. And, apparently, their 'real' character names don't have a 'Mc' in either of them. Mark Sloan? Wasn't that a character on a different show? OMG. Not only was it on a different show, it was on a different MEDICAL show.

How I Met Your Mother, 2005-2014

By now I think I'd started exclusively aiming toward "Animation Domination" and any British import I could get my hands on. It was a bit too much of a retread, I suppose, of Friends, except with a wildly stand-out character that the others, including the protagonist, had to compete with.

True Blood, 2008-presentThe Vampire Diaries, 2009-present

Nahhh.

Glee, 2009-present

Gee, Glee, I was watching you for a while. I have no idea why I stopped. One too many stupid Slurpee splashes, probably. Or scheduling.

The Good Wife, 2009-present

Finally, The One Where Bill Would Watch. And as mentioned, only halted because of being on against something else, and I didn't have a DVR that could record two channels at once. I am a lazybones. Yes, I totally agree, Will and Alicia belonged together.

Revenge, 2011-presentScandal, 2012-present

Sometimes there's just too much damn television on for me to fathom. This would probably not appeal to me because of glamour, but dammit, pop culture gets too unwieldy for a body to catch up.

Orange Is The New Black, 2013-present

I could probably start watching this now that I've sprung for Netflix streaming. Wait, is Angela from My So-Called Life on this one, or is it the chick from That 70's Show?

Post title from: What's Alan Watching?